I am just days away from the ritual, and I am feeling the butterflies. As I swim through this experience, this is not a comfortable experience. I literally feel out of control as times as I am going through this initiation. Things are not feeling the same, and I am really looking at my life doing some self inventory. I would run from this if I didnt think the Goddess would hunt me down…..like she has done several times before. She is relentless to her priestesses. The call will not go away, and will haunt you during your waking and sleeping time. So here I sit, stressed out from today and crying like a baby. I literally feel like a weak one. It was not a good day at all. Getting woke up early in the morning, having guests that are unhappy on their tour, then seeing a kitten get hit by traffic…yea it just has been a swirl of craziness.
This degree really gets you in touch with yourself, deeply. It is a birth..rebirth. Witches are born from the inside out, their High Priestess is their midwife. A massive transitioning is happening. Plus this energy of the Age of Aquarius with all this energy…and solar eclipse coming!! Wow every thing in Gaia is shifting, transforming…rebirthing its self. I have been working myself to death, dodging the energy that is surrounding me. I am just blowing through it will no care…well now it is truly making itself known. I can not longer hide from those issues/challenges I just close my eyes too. I am not be observant of what is truly going on around me. I am refusing to give myself a moment of silence to deal with this…this change. As I look deep in to my own eyes, I am made to see my Soul and well its not happy about some things. I work constantly at keeping others happy and it has become my pain. My writing muse has been dormant, and with drawn. She used to sit beside me whispering delicious words of intrigue…now she is alone in her corner. I long to put pen to paper (so to speak) and compose a wonderful story to inform, delight, connect, help, inspire, heal some one out there. Now there isnt even an echo. But now, as the emotions rush in, my fingers can not move fast enough. There’s so much to say and not enough words to say them. The bottom of the pond is being dragged. The long lost things that were hidden under the carpet are making themselves known. I feel like I am being turned up side down and inside out. My priorities are changing and I am seeing how fragile life is…and how short. Being so stressed that I cant think straight, being unprepared for important things because I am going so fast in the work lane. WOW for what really? It’s just too much, it’s so much as fast and trying to do this that and the other. Plus with everything else…like a hurricane. I have to breathe, I have to live, and I have to BE.
I know that I will walk the path I am supposed to walk and I will be a vessel for the Goddess to be expressed in beneficial ways. The work is just tough some times. Uranus will be going retro in August as well as Mercury going into retro on August 12th..and the eclipse on the 21st! A lot happening in the stars as well. I am already feeling this Uranus retrograde, I feel the hidden being made known. I am spinning too fast, I need to slow down a bit and feel this and heal it so it can move on. As a Priestess of the Goddess there is a lot of responsibility that comes with that and the preparation is not easy…and I have only just begun. I keep saying I cant see what’s coming, but I bet if I slowed down and took a breath I would see and hear it. What is real and what is the illusion?? It is now making itself known..with great clarity.
So one more step closer to the date. I know things are okay, but I have to ground. I am excited by this and I am ready to move on into my role. Just have to remember to BE..and most importantly to breathe…